Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
