508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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