I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
