shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
