and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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