She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
