Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
