New low: just hacked my moms facebook
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
