Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
