TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
