oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
