Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
