Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
