what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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