you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
