His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
