Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
