Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
