Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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