So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
