I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
