Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
