ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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