New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
