I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
