You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
