so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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