How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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