my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
