TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
