I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
