I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
