i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
