my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
