We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
