i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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