What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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