this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
