..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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