I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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