He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
