one might say we're banned from that church
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
