If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
