alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
