at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
