thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
