All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the raccoons are back...
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