I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize