I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
