butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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