Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
