You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
