On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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